Gold Digging is the Future
Random thoughts I had on the subway #2
On my daily commute, I shut off my phone and just sit and think. This series is some of the nonsense my brain comes up with during that daily subway ride.
I love a good gold digger story. Like anyone, my favorite investor of all time is not Warren Buffet, but MacKenzie Scott, Jeff Bezos’ ex wife.
She had the patience to hold through the dot-com bubble, the financial crisis, and the COVID crash, and she was rewarded handsomely for doing so. But why leave gold digging to the experts? On the subway today, I envisioned a world where anyone can gold dig, and share in the profits once reserved for only the most conniving of trophy spouses.
I call it GoldFund, a new-age investment platform where the age-old art of gold digging meets the transparency and scalability of modern technology. GoldFund would be a way for aspiring gold diggers to crowdsource the funds needed to live the high-rolling lifestyle required to catch the eye of their affluent target. And here’s the kicker: if they manage to land their wealthy partner, every early investor shares in the profits. It’s gold digging for the masses, democratized and streamlined, with potential for high returns on investment for those who dare to back a promising love match.
How GoldFund Works
GoldFund brings a new spin to the idea of “relationship goals.” Here’s how it would go down:
Setting Up the Profile: Our ambitious gold digger sets up a profile on GoldFund, outlining their strategy and target lifestyle, as well as the net worth of the partner they’ll be pursuing. This profile could include details like upcoming “target” dates, the background of their well-heeled interest, and the funds needed to impress. It’s like a startup pitch, but for love.
Crowdsourcing the Funds: Investors browse profiles and pick the gold-seekers they believe have the highest chances of success. Once an investment goal is reached, funds are released to the gold-seeker, who can then gear up for a series of well-funded dates. From designer clothes to high-end dining, the goal is to give the gold-seeker every possible advantage to capture their target’s attention.
Tracking the Relationship: After the initial “pitch” and first few dates, GoldFund investors receive regular updates on how things are going. This could mean status reports on dinner invitations, weekend trips, or that pivotal moment when the relationship enters serious territory. Investors are kept in the loop, and if they see their gold-seeker leveling up, they might even be prompted to invest in “rounds” of funding, like a Series B for that massive engagement ring that she just can’t say no to.
The Marriage Payout: Here’s where things get lucrative. If the gold-seeker successfully marries their wealthy target, early investors receive a percentage of the couple’s wealth, all managed and distributed by GoldFund. Like any good investment, it’s about seeing the long-term potential. Investors who were there in the early days get the biggest share, but even latecomers have a chance to cash in.
Some might call it cynical, but GoldFund is all about transparency. Investors know the risks—relationships are never guaranteed to work out—and gold-seekers get to share their journey with a supportive community. For some, it’s about the excitement of the game, the thrill of a risky love match that could yield a huge payout. For others, it’s a way to help an underdog gold-seeker live the high life, leveling the playing field in a world where wealth so often begets wealth.
Democratizing Gold Digging
In a world where love and finance often intersect, why should high returns be limited to those already in the know? GoldFund opens up the world of elite gold digging to anyone with a dream and a compelling profile. It’s an inclusive, collaborative approach to modern matchmaking that turns romance into the ultimate investment.
So, next time you hear about a marriage that ends in a seven-figure settlement, remember: with GoldFund, you could own a piece of that investment as well. So set up your GoldFund account today, and get digging. I might just decide to be your angel investor.
The gold diggers target will find that public and transparent profile and realize they're not dating for love and will force them to sign a prenup. The victim here becomes the man who gets vored by a thousand investors when he was simply seeking companionship. The type of man who makes a lot of money is also smart enough to do a background check and hedge his bets. I think Bezos wife deserves every bit of that money for taking a risk when he had nothing and being patient through it all, not someone who sees a man's love as capital to be exploited.